Jokes

JOKES:

The HR manager of a company interviewed a software professional. The manager asked a lot of questions and finally asked "how much u want as salary?"
The professional said 80,000/- rupees per month with car, bungalow and servants.
The manager said we will give u 150,000 rupees per month, a BMW car with
driver, a bungalow in the center of the town and numerous servants having
their quarters behind the building.
Astonished with this, the professional said "kyon majak karte ho yaar".......
The manager replied "Shuru kisne kiya tha?"........
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:Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain.
Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?
Kyon ke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha.


 Kamal,Vimal do bhai the, dono bus stop pe khade the..
bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why?
 Kyon ki bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL!
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 Q. ,Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
 Ans.  Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

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 Q. What will you call a person who is leaving India ?
Ans. Hindustan Lever (Leaver)
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 Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam Kya tha...................
 Answer: adidas
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 Q. Amavasya ki rat ko agar ladki ho jaye to naam kya rakhenge?
Ans. Chandrabhaga
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Q. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
Ans. "chain ki saans – D “cold”
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 Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why?
Ans.  Tendulkar is an opener.

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 A Lady Go to Departmental Store There Was a Sardarji,
She asked him, "Lipton D Chah Hai Kya...?,"
Sardarji  : Mainu to Nahi hai Tenu hai to Lipat Jaa..!!
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Wife: Honey .. What are You Looking for?
Husband:  Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? you have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ??      
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.
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The Young Brahmin asked, "Is it true, that your daughter has all the good qualities and pleasing looks?"
The old brahmin answered, "Haan! More than that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati
"But, can she cook and keep house?" Asked  the young man.
"Oh yes, she is Dharma Vati !" answered the old man.
"Now, can she sew?" asked the young man.
"Oh yes . . . . yes, she can not only sew, but she is Kala Vati ! "answered the old man."
What about her education?" asked the young man.
"She is Vidya Vati!" answered the old man.
"And the Vedas?" asked the young man.
"Oh yes . . . . yes, she is Veda Vati !" answered the old man.
 The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.
 Two days later, he comes back with his newly married bride intown. The old Brahmin is surprised. He asks, "What happened, my son?" Why do you look so upset?
 The young man says, "Well sir, you told me that your daughter is already a
 Sundara Vati, Padma Vati, Dharma Vati, Kala Vati, Vidya Vati, and a Veda Vati?"
"Yes, my son - I certainly did "replies the old man."
 But Sir - you forgot to tell me that, she is also a ' Garbha Vati ' !"
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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day while they were walking passed the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him. He swam to the bottom of
The pool and pulled John out. The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the Mental hospital as he considered him to be OK.
The Doctor said, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses.
Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient whom you saved, Mr. John,hung himself in the bathroom, and died."
David replied, "Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
You can be sure the person is Sardar when he:
Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. Thinks socialism means partying.
Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius."
Sells the car for gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left",he turns around and goes home.
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Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
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What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
 
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where ?”
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A Mother had three daughters, and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their sex lives. The first wrote back on the second day she got married.
The letter arrived with only a single message, "Nescafe." The Mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Nescafe coffee ad on a newspaper, and it said: "SATISFACTION, TO THE LAST DROP..." 
 
So, the Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home a letter. There was only one message, read; "Benson & Hedges."  So the Mother looked for a Benson & Hedges' ad, and it says: "EXTRA LONG, KING SIZE."
The Mother was happy.
 
After the third daughter got married, the Mother was anxious to receive a message from her baby. It took 4 weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message simply said "BRITISH AIRWAYS." The Mother was concerned. She frantically looked through all the newspapers at home for a British Airways ad. She finally read the ad and fainted. The ad read:
"THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS."
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Harry and the Teacher


A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test, and if he failed to answer any of his questions, he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?
Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and told her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment answered, "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why she was asking such a question!
Harry replied, "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Harry replied, "Shake hands."
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Fire-truck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the 5th grade. I got the last seven questions wrong."

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What the difference between DD & CHEQUE..?
Ans - DD is like WIFE,whom u can always Trust but .. CHEQUE is like GIRLFRIEND.which can bounce at any time...

PAKI JOKE
A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog. When the dog is about to bite the woman, the man intervenes and kicks the dog. A reporter was seeing all this. He said "That was great. I'll definitely publish this in newspaper. 
Tomorrow the headline will be 'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'." The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here. I am from U.S.A.". 
Reporter: "OK. Then the headline will be USA CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG".
Man: Actually, I live in USA but I'm not a USA citizen.
I'm a Pakistani national". 
Next day, the headline in the paper read
“TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG”
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.How to Treat a Rude Customer ?

An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport.  A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".   

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"    

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" she began.  With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."   

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."


A jamaican Rasta man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child, the wife jumped and said, " YOUR HONOUR, I BROUGHT THE CHILD INTO THIS WORLD WITH PAIN AND LABOR. SHE SHOULD BE IN MY CUSTODY ". The judge turns to the husband ad says. " WAT DO U HAVE TO SAY IN THE MATTER ?" The rasta man sat for a while comtemplating...then slowly rose. "YOUR HONOUR, IF I MAN PUT A DOLLAR IN THE VENDING MACHINE AND A PEPSI COMES OUT, WHOSE PEPSI IS IT...I OR THE MACHINES"?.
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santa : paaji yeh log ball se kya kar rahe hain?
banta : goal kar rahe hain!!!
santa :"lekin paaji ball to pehle se gol hain , aur kitni gol karenge!!!!!!!!!"

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Santa ( to his son ) : Itne kam marks? do thappad marne chayiye.......!
Santa's son : Haa papa.. chalo...maine us master ka ghar dekha hai.....!

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Why did santa singh sign all the cheques in his cheque book...........
so that no one else could use them if he lost his chequebook !!! ha! Ha! Ha!

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**Santa : We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or
we will not be able
to communicate with my child.
Banta : Is it! Why?
Santa : We have adopted a telugu child and it will
start to speak after 6 months

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How did santa singh attempt to transfer some files from one PC to another PC.....

1)Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and  selected cut option
2)Disconnected the mouse from that PC
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to theother PC where he wanted to copy that file And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!


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Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black tie only !
At the party Banta was very shocked to see other people wearing suits also!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati   Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally.  So the call went out to a number of countries.
Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.
 The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati- as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, Diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.
 Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous a manner.
 The Arab replied "Bapu.....now I have Gujju blood in my veins!

A man from the West, decided to write a book about holy places
around the World. He started by flying to various holy places.
Going to a very large place in USA, he began taking photographs and
making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the wall and was
intrigued with a sign which read "1000 $ a minute." Seeking out the
religious Guru he asked about the phone. The Guru answered that
this golden phone was, in-fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he
paid the price he could talk directly to God.
The man thanked the guru and continued on his way. As he continued
to visit the holy places in Egypt, Israel, Iran, USA, Europe, Nepal,
Japan, Australia and all around the world, he found more phones,
with the same sign and price, and got the same answer from each Guru.
Finally, he arrived in India .Upon entering a temple, behold,
He saw the usual golden Telephone. But THIS time, the sign read
"Calls: 1.26 Rupees/Minute." Fascinated, he asked The Guru. "Guru Ji, I have been in Places all across the World, and in each Place I have found this golden telephone and have been told it was a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other temples the cost was 1000 $ a minute. Your sign reads 1.26 Rupees/Minute. Why?"
The Guru, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in India now.
This is God's Own country... and it's a local call."
Welcome to India!
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Ek Gaaon me Seeta aur Geeta do Behane rehati hai.
Dono ko ek baar nadi paar karanee hoti hai.
Seeta nadee me kudati hai aur tairake jaatee hai.
Geeta pool ke upar se chalake jaati hai.
Phir bhi Gaaon ke log bolate hai ki Seeta Geeta se jyada intellegent hai. 
Kyon?   Kyon? Socho. Nahi pata? Kyonki
Seeta ko Geeta se S.S.C ke exam me jyada marks milate hai.
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Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI 
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Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki. 
shivji khush hoke Prakat huve ... 

bole ... puttar maang ... 
maang kya chahiye tujhey ! 
bhakth utha ... bola shivji ... 
mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do ! 
shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ? 
unhone kaha ... puttar ... tune badi achchi tapsya ki hai ... 
kuch bada maang ! 
wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhe to aap guitar hi do 
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ... ! 
par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do ! 
shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ...
bole ..yaar tu 
kuch aur maang .. guitar na maang ... 
wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhe sirf guitar hi chahiye ... ab 
shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down) 

. 

saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main tak ye damaru kyo bajata 
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 sardar kya sochte sochte marr gaya ???
agar meri bahan ke do bhai hain, to mera sirf ek kaise ? 
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Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai?

Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means
Chen.nai...
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What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"
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Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai. so he goes to the canteen. canteen
mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi who pav khane ke liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein "jannat" likha hai. To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai
ki gattu jiska lecture attend karke aa raha hai! us proffessor ka naam kya hai???
Guess The answer is
Ishq Ki Chhaon. Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi...
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 A women goes in an Auto (rickshaw) and gets bald??? How???
Lets C' if you can solve this one....
Can't think...c'mon...
Here goes the answer...
Automatically (Auto-Mein-Takli).....Smile- 
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 A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..." 
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 One day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile 
his call gets cross connected to some other lady.They still keep on talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
.
An IDEA can change your wife. 
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 Ek baar teen ants jarahi thee.......
to unhein cheenee(sugar) ki bori milti hie to pahlee do cheenti to usmein se cheenee ke dane utha leti hei but ek nahi uthati batao kyu ...........
kyo ki

use sugar ki beemari thee 
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 A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice. 

Guess why ? 
because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"
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 a sardar goes to movie with 17 sardars
why?????????????
coz it was an adult movie n below 18 were not allowed 
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how do u place a camel in a fridge in three steps??
...
...
1.open the fridge
2.keep the camel inside it
3.close the fridge
next one
>>
how do u place an elephant in the fridge in 4 steps??
..
...
..
1.open fridge 2.take the camel out
3.place the elephant inside
4.close the door 
 
 
there was a jungle meeting. all the animals were required to report. all of them turned out, except one. who was it and why??

the elephant... u put it in the refridgerator, remember ??? 
 
 
now u have to cross a river which ios inhabited by deadly crocodiles...but any way u have to cross that river ...how will u cross that ?
.
it simple ...as all animals are attending the meeting ...so no crocodiles are there..so u can cross easily... 
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Okay in the jungle meeting where all the animals reported, they were welcomed with gutkha.....only one animal requested for a particular brand. which animal and which brand?
Ans: the animal is giraffe and he opted for "Manikchand" (Unche log unchi pasand !!!) 
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king lion goes on a search to find elephant 
and has absolutely no problem in locatin this camel......y??

becoz our elephant kept his footwear outside the fridge. 
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 Suppose u need 2 transport all the things in ur house 4 relocating..suppose u go by aircraft ... it is losing height and pilot asks u throw something away to reduce load...what is the thing u will throw away to reduce the load??
...
...
the elephant in the fridge!!!!!!!!

two persons r talkin by the swimming pool...one says he wont swim bcoz he is afraid of dying bcoz of drowning.....the other one says ....hey dont be afraid..i'll show u how 2 swim and he dives in the pool n starts swimming....
suddenly, the man outside the pool dies...
........
...........
guess why????????
..........
.........
.........
the elephant falls on him.......
.......
......
ok enough time pass one final Q
ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya to kaise bahar nikalega???????
geela hoke nikalega...... 
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 ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge ........
sweets nops OR sault nopes ?
are yaar !
birla white cement kyunki iske ander jaan hai.....
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whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from 10th floor?
former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)
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Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?
the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!
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balance in creation :

God was in the process of creating the universe.  And he was explaining to his sub ordinates .. "Look everything should be in balance".
 For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
 Look here my fellow angels; here is the country of the United States.
 I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time, I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time,I have given them climatic extremes....
 And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance. 
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?" God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all, INDIA.
My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams,Serene Mountains.
A culture, which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....." The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance."
God replied - "Look at the neighbours, I gave them.
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Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally
> writes a love letter to her: "I love u sister."
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>
> Q: Why dogs don't marry?
> A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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>
> Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against
> mother tongue.?
> Santa: Very long!
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>
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon
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Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
> Santa: Birla cement.
> Banta: Kyun?
 Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
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 Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
> Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1
> bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
 Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
 Santa: Hai.
 Frog: Nahin hai.
 Santa: Hai.
 Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
 Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
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Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
 The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
 Santa: I think I'll take the money.
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Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
 A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the
 board.
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Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
 Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
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Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a
 pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
 Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
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Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
 Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
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Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
 Banta: What's he studying?"
 Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
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Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains?"
 A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
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Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
> A: Because it was an entrance exam.
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What's Ford?
 Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
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Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
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Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's
cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
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Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes
 first - the chicken or the egg?
 O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
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Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I
 breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
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Man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I Know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife. " What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied "Join the queue.

American: In our country, marriage even takes place with email. Banta Singh: In India, it is only with female.
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Q: Banta Singh went to see show. But he came back at . Why? A: Because the movie's name was DASTAK.
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  Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken. Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
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 Banta Singh walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So he lowers his voice to a whisper and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
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 Sailor (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta Singh: "Why don't you use mouthwash.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There was once a Gujarati, owning a shop, living   in USA called Navneet Bhai Patel, who was involved in a car accident.                             
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him  
what had happened to him.
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash.
"Car crash! My Corola! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries -you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.          
"I lost my arm? My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!" 
"Sir, please calm down.
That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you." He asked for his family to be called in. 
As they gathered around the bed, he called for   each of them by name.
"Alpa,
are you here?"  "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."  
"Diness, are you here?"  "I am here father, and I will never leave you." 
 "Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kamless, my child, are you here?"  "I am here father, and I will never leave you."  
"Paress, my child, are you here?"  "I am here father, and I will never leave you." 
“Jigness, Are you here?”  “ I am here uncle, and I will never leave you.”
“Bhavess, are you here?”  “ I am here uncle and I will never leave you.”
“Puspa, are you here?”  “I am here father and I will never leave you.”

"Well" said Navneet Bhai thoughtfully, "Alpa, Diness, Kalpess, Paress, Jigness, Bhavess and  Kamless are here.....if all of you are here,
 THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP!!!!!????",    he  cried loudly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Laloo Prasad Yadav of Bihar, sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft  Corporation. A few days later he got this reply :
"Dear Mr. Laloo prasad, You do not meet our
requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks"
   
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aapko jaan kar khushi hogee ki humka amreeka mein naukri mil gayee hoon." Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad  continued......

 "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo prasad-----pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho.
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai.
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
             
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------:One sadarji was singing hindi songs standing on a branch of a tree.
People were gathering under the tree to listen to him. He sang songs one after another. After singing 6/7 songs he stopped. Then he hang himself upside down on the branch and started to sing the songs again.  People were surprised and asked the sardarji why he was hanging upside down.
 sardarji replied: "The songs on the A Side of the disc are over, now he is singing songs which are on the B side? 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is
>exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
>PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
>TEACHER : No, that's wrong
>PAPPU : Maybe ! it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of
>"COINCIDENCE?"
>PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
>same day, same time."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree,but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?


TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair
just like that at home.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban gaya...
aur main...SWARGWASI...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love;after marriage it is self-defense
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
 women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
 Magnets have a positive side!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal (shoe) (wood) nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
----------------------------------------------------------------

 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
 It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!


Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Laloo was travelling by his car. He was going to a village for
campaigning Suddenly a piglet came before the car. The driver could'nt hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident.  At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ". At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!
 Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye ,  aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"
At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident . Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money." Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bole?"
 The driver replied : "Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon, maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai.........."
 __________________________________________________
Gabbar: Arey o Sambha  
Sambha: Ji Sardar
Gabbar: Kitne Admi the re?
Sambha: Do Sardar
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard
students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see  bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a
trainee.
On his first day he dialled the pantry and shouted into
the phone "Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded "You fool,
you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who
you're talking to dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The sardarji shouted back "And do you know who
YOU are talking to, you fool?
"No.", replied the" "Managing Director.
"Good!", replied the sardarji and put down the phone!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at
45KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardarji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a
Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the
Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?' (Have you ever
driven a Honda) and sped off.
The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.
After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnn...
in the opposite direction, and shouted again "kabhi
Honda chalaya kya?' and sped off.
This time the Bihari was annoyed that Sardar was
teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Sardar came back
speeding and said the same thing.
The Bihari was about to say something but the
Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his
speed but suddenly stopped as he found Sardar
lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked
at the sardar "Kyon Sardarji, kabhi Honda chalaye
kya?" (Why, Sardarji, have driven Honda ever?)
The Sardar said "Wohi to puch raha tha Mein, Brakes
doond raha tha." (That's what I was asking you.
Was searching for the brakes.)!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of
them was crying like anything. So the other asked,
"Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test
they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why
are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDAR WITH BRAIN

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angelesto New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.
The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Ravan felt sorry for Ram and decided to say him sorry.
He went to his house .
Ram opened the door , said "Are Ravan , kaise aana hua? "
Ravan thought something for 2 minuts and went back saying nothing.
Why ? What did he think ?
(obviously scroll down for answer)
kis muh se mafi mangu ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as ceiling fan".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by TORCh

& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI



What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

***************************************
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

***************************************
Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3) A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4.) Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying
like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked,"So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying.The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6.) A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus
arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big
trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with
'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..."
And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis  who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7). Once Sardar is busy sitting at his desk in the office on the 20th
floor. Suddenly a man comes rushing in n screams, "Oye Banta, your
daughter Preeto just died in a car accident".
Not knowing what to do after hearing such disturbing news, Sardar is both stunned and shocked and in desperation jumps out of the window. As he is hurtling down towards the ground, at around the 12th floor he suddenly realises that he never had a daughter named Preeto. Further down near the 7th floor he realises that he had never been married. Just as he is about to hit the ground he realises that his name is not BANTA SINGH.



8) Santa is driving with girlfriend to chandigarh.while driving he puts
his hand on her knee. She says, santa you can go further......so he drives to simla.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
 regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh "Santa Darling, if We get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested
And asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be," said Banta with joy, "I have been illiterate
for so long."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is . "
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is ."
"Well, wrong number.Sorry to have got you up in the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on
The seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
He tried another. It wouldn't light.
The third one finally lit.
He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest
pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a
Bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing.
The bystander : A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!


You can be sure a person is a Sardar when he:
 
 *   puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.

* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

* tries to drown a fish in waters.

* thinks socialism means partying.

* trips over a cordless phone.

* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here" he puts
"Sagittarius."

*studies for a blood test and fails.

* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,"Airportleft", he turns around and goes home.

* gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor.

* How do you get a Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 1. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
   Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Teacher to a Sardar : A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,

  Sardar : I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love Your
  Daughter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
  Ram ne kaha, Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja,
 Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.

4. A Kid asks the Priest : Father what is your Favourite Pastime...?
  The Priest pats the kids head & replys : NUN My Child NUN....!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone
  Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310
  Now it is 6610"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
  Banta : Really, what is he studing, Santa : No He is not studying,
  they r Studying him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
  gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Ri Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
  umra kabra khodneme bitegi..!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8. Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa agar
  koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
  Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Loveletter to her, "
  I LOVE U SISTER."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar: I saw my wife going to a movie with a strange man
Friend: Why didn't you follow them inside?
Sardar: Oye, no yaar I have already seen that movie
*************************************************************************
Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only woman ....you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman
Now who is Ravan?????????????????????
*************************************************************************

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!

**********************************************************************

Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of success

FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He than created me.

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

*************************************************************************

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye

************************************************************************

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Knjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta
hai
***********************************************************************

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai
**************************************************************************

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh  apne khilone pahechan lega
***********************************************************************
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state

**************************************************************************

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining

**************************************************************************

Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE
*************************************************************************

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon



Two Sardars were walking together
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain
2nd Sradar: oye, main bhi ye hi bol raha tha
*************************************************************************

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai
Khake dekho pata chal jayega
************************************************************************
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game

*******************************************
Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are
always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any
mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The teacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voiceeven more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,  "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again") GOD is missing, and they think we did it!  



Smart Sardar ji

A Sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji. Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike. Iqbal's guards take the bags and rips them apart; empty them out and find nothing in them but sand. He detains the Sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the Sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, heaves them on to the Sardarji 's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?
'Sand,' says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji, doesn't show up and one day and the guard meets him in a 'dhaba' in Islamabad. 'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?' The Sardarji, sips his Lassi and says, 'bikes'. . . . . . . . . . .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone
----------------------

Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
---------------
Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
---------------
Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because below 18 was not allowed.
---------------
Q. How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A. Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

 Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
---------------
Q. What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over
his ears?
A. Trying to hold on to a thought.
---------------

Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

---------------

Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.

---------------

Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.

---------------

Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.


---------------

Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
----------------

Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.


---------------

Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
----------------

Q. How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

-----------------

Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house
.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar’s brain

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.
If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.
The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.
Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving.
Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch and I took mine.


A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her
horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
She looked out the window and yelled to her lover. Quick jump out the
window. My husband's home early!!

"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath
the sheets "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them. Being
naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while, a small group of runners, which had been studying
him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied,
gaspingin air. "It feels so wonderfully free."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you
always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope.........just when it's raining"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wash Basin A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".


Three Engines Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed..
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry  we still have one engine left."
A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Detective Job Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.


Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."


  Urine Test Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


  Bihari-Sardar A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala: "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!"
Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag Dikhaya,
Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.
O' bolo ta ra ra.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wife: Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
 biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.


Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing....
He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
--------------------------------------------------------

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Santa: That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer: Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c & a=c tell me the example.
     Student: I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Three fastest means of communication - telephone - television -  tell a women.

3)  Its funny when people discuss over "love   marriage" and "arrange marriage"
    It is like asking a person if he would like to   "hang   himself" or "shoot himself".

4) What is a girl friend?
     Addition of problems - subtraction of money -   multiplication of
     enemies, division of friends.


5)   A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength,   Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis.
       He said, my Strength is my wife. My Weakness is my neighbour's wife.
       Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

Plan for the Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed: I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Neesha: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif: I want 2 help Neesha .
==================================================
Exams:

Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

==================================================
 =================================================
Delivered:

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
==================================================


Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
==================================================
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
__________________________________________________

Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift
    with this oil?"  Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift
   nahin hai bhaisaab"  Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai
   CHOLESTROL FREE!!"
__________________________________________________

 One fine day a girl proposesd to a sardar and sardar denied, simply saying that in our family, we marry only relatives.
My mom married my dad, my brother married with my bhabhi, my uncle married with my aunty and so on …… So, please excuse me.
__________________________________________________

Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.   "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. 
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
________________________________________________
  
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.   A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
__________________________________________________
Once a Sardarji was going to his office.   On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day ,  on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel  and  Later after two  days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari  sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!
 
   A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:  
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".   2. How many
   seconds are there in a year?  
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...  
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and
   Tomorrow.  
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"  
 The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."   Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a party he introduced his family to his friends saying.." I am  Sardar.. and this  is Sardarnee
   ...this is my kid and that is my  kidney...!!"
__________________________________________________
   American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
   Sardarji " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
___________________________________________________
 
Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating..!!!

__________________________________________________
  
Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."  
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna..main use  surprise doonga..!"
__________________________________________________
   Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa  Psycho The  Rapist"
__________________________________________________
  
What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE?
   .........   Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......  
Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai
_______________________________________________

Ek sardar apne bete se bola: Bevakuf, kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek  bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke  laya hu.
 
Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just won the 10 Million lotto.  
Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?  
 Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost !
___________________________________________________

Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?   Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo  pee rahi hai....
________________________________________________
 
Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai?
Rabridevi ka laloo prasad

_________________________________________________

A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab today.......
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and arestill.....digging for  more.
________________________________________________
  
Sardar found answer to most difficult question ever,   What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?
Oye yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!!


 1.What is Common between : Krishna, Ram,Gandhi,Jesus..?
Sardarji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

2. Teacher to a Sardar : A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example, 
Sardar : I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love Your Daughter.

3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Woh RAM ke Mandir me gaya,  Ram ne kaha,"Baju waale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri biwi bhi usi ne dhundhi thi."

4. A Kid asks the Priest : Father what is your Favourite Pastime...?
The Priest pats the kids head & replied : NUN My Child NUN....!!

5.Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610!!!!"

6. Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
Banta : Really, what is he studying?  
Santa : No he is not studying, they r Studying him.


7. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho  gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab saari umra kabra khodnemai bitegi..!!

8. Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!

9. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her,
"I LOVE U SISTER!!!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep.
All of a sudden, he wakes upand seesan elderly man dressedas a cow standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?.. and who are you?" he
 asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
 "WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
 "It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own..."
Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Harry replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered.
But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow.. then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said.
 "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
 "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.
 "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
 Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Harry said "that felt
really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe
 that there was yet another egg on the ground.
 
 The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
 "Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're shitting all over the bed!"



TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters from only one row of the keyboard
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta."
Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what To avoid side effect!!!
--------------------------------------------------


3. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho ko
pani dal.
Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na".


4.Man:sardarji where were u born?
sardarji: punjab.
man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha "akal badhi ya bhais "
Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door?
bcoz it was an entrance exam.

8.Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

9.Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Always keep a photo of your wife in your wallet. Look at it when you
are in trouble. You will feel that other problems are not as big as
this one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Gir Girl to her boyfriend: Will you love me after marriage also ?
boBoy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


2.        Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------


3.         Sir to sardar student: why do we drink water...????
.Sardar replied: I am too much shocked, you dont know?
..because we cannot eat it

 God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.


5.         The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is
watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."


6.        

One EOne early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7.        What are the three fastest ways of communication?

Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone :-)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---A     A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Recently arrived Sardar in the US, wanting to earn some money,
decides to become a 'handy-man' and starts looking for some work in an
upmarket colony nearby. He goes to the front door of the nearest house
and asks the owner, another Indian, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch," the owner says.
The Sardar responds, "How about $50?"
The owner says "Fine - there's a can of brown paint and brushes in the
garage."

The owner's wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation says to
her husband,
"Does he realise that the porch goes all around the house? That's a whole
day's job"
The man replies, "He should; he was standing on it. Do you think he's
dumb?"
"No, I don't think so. I guess I'm just influenced by those stupid Surd
email jokes we keep receiving."

A short time later, the Sardar comes to the door and asks for the $ 50.
"You've finished already !!" the husband asks.
"Yes," he replies, "and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reaches into his pocket for the money and hands it to
him.
"And by the way,"
the Turbanator adds, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, in a train :
TC to Sadhu  : "Baba kahan jaoge?"
Sadhu        : "Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha."
TC           : "Baba ticket dikhao.."
Sadhu        : "Nahin hai...."
TC           : "To phir chalo"
Baba         : "Kahan?"
TC           : "Jaha Krishan ka janam hua tha"
 !!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English
conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with
 President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we,translators, will do all the work for you."
 It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but stillmanaged to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha....
"Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha..
"ThenAfter that, there was a long silence in the meeting room.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Height of optimism:
 Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
 Major: Excellent ! We can attack in any direction now!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Maro dikro Dubai gayo?"
A: My son drowned
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Q: Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
A: The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime !
Wife: It could also mean - With Idiot For Ever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor : Tell me about your problem.
 Patient: I just did, you stupid .....!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 An American report : We crossed chickens with cows.
The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.
Report from France : We crossed flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.
Report from India : We crossed a melon with cockroaches. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves.


One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high way and
enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda
and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari -Kabhi Honda chalaya
kya?' and sped off....

The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.
After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite
direction, peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi honda chalaya kya?'
and sped off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the sardar was
teasing about his driving. After some time again the Sardar came back
speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about
to say something but the Sardar sped off.
This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found
the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding. He got down and mocked at the
sardar' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaye kya?'
The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond raha tha'!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes
but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?


Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain. Please tell them your age!


Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of
success. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He then created me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
***********************

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta
hai.
****************************

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gayatha.
Banta: to fir bach gayaya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
*************************

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************

Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
***********************

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************
Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya, meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands
shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill.
After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?"  the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a
carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor,
"be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow,
that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch!
That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe,
"Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis.", "You have a broken  finger


Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekhar Ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi.
 Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to sabke samane bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
 Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke baad uski ma bolti hai,
"Hey Bhagwan yeh tune kya kiya."


 







One gangstar gave three fully sealed khokas (typical mumbaian word, u should be familiar if u have seen vaastav) to his fellow and ordered him not to open these khokas...
After three days ,gangstar shot that fellow..
when another gangboy asked his gangstar why did you shoot him,
he said i ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my
order..
gang boy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how
did you know that he had opened the khokas?
gangstar said when i touched three khokas i felt two khokas were hot and one was cold..gang boy could not understand anything..

can you guess how the gangstar found it out???


guess.....


Thhanda matalab Khoka khola'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say.
Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.
Was it Nina Capeli?
I'm sorry but I cannot name her.
Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures you continue to do so.


 
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kyahoga....???



Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.


Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East
assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was
very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is
virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak
Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally
exhausted and panting.

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third,our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also
didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"


Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only woman ....you have only 2 eyes but
you sight every woman
Now who is Ravan?????????????????????
*******************************************************************
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!
*********************************************************************
Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of success

FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He than created me
**********************************************************************
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush
***********************************************************************

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye
***********************************************************************

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Knjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta
hai
***********************************************************************

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai
**********************************************************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh  apne khilone pahechan lega
***********************************************************************

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state
***********************************************************************
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught
fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining
************************************************************************

Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE
***********************************************************************

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon
***********************************************************************

Two Sardars were walking together
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain
2nd Sradar: oye, main bhi ye hi bol raha tha
************************************************************************

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai
Khake dekho pata chal jayega
***********************************************************************

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game




Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas?"
 Operator: "just a minute, sir ..."
 Laloo: "THANK YOU", and puts down the phone.
 ---------------------------------------------------------------

When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a
special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed
Rabridevi, stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was pleased. But within a
 couple of days of release of the stamp, he began  hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious.
He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter.
Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Lalloprasad.She said: " the stamp
 is really of international quality. The problem is, our Biharis are
spitting on the wrong side"

-------------------------------------------------------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite
 sometime,
Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to friend. "It took me
ONLY 5  MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags."
"Five months? That is too long!" the friend exclaims.
 "You are a fool" replies Laloo. "See this Carton?
It is written 4 to 7 years!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------
 After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.
On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows
on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo session!
Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.
 Guess the Caption?
........................."Laloo, third from left!"....................................

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over
to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur.
 Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during
 the tuition. Inside the White house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.
 Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming
out.
 The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and
press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
 At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo beaming his
 resplendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled.
 Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely
 ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face.
 The shocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr. Clinton?
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
 "Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God!
 You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now!
 We need more butter.  Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter?
 They're going to stick!
 Careful...Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?
 Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
 Use the salt. Use the salt!!! The salt!"
 The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
 The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
 when I'm driving with you in the car."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take a look at this marvelous answer:
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor! Please
come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic .....
What did he say ???
 
         Guess ......
 
         ...
         ...
        He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
>Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
>Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jate.
Santa: Murge kaise diye?
>Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
>Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
>Sir ise AIDS hai.
>Santa: De do mujhe khana hai bhund thode hi marni hai!


Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
>Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
>Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni parjai di dekh
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa runing after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver: Ye bus teri Ma lagti hai?
>Nahin.
>To kya Behan lagti hai?
>Nahin.
>To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Banana
Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!



Air India
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar ?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.



Bomb
Santa Banta find a bomb Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta. "Don’t worry about it," says Santa. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two."



 Color TV
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" Sure." "Give me a green one, please."



Busy Sardar
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SARDARJI BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday? A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.



 Banana Peel
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!



 Clock Tower
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says: "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."



Employment
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes



Hamburgers
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.



A Party
Dress code 4 a party---BLACK TIES ONLY. Banta goes for the party & is surprised 2 c that the other guests r wearing SUITS also!



Blood Test
Santa: why are you crying Banta: they cut my finger for my blood test Santa: I have come for my urine test. Banta: ?????????




Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

==================================================

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came
again..

==================================================

Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my
house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....

==================================================
Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and
elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

==================================================
Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?


Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!

==================================================
Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"

Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

==================================================
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

==================================================
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...


Professor to Sardar (Student): Where were you born?
Sardar: In Punjab.
Sir to Sardar: which part?
Sardar:  Whole body was born in Punjab.

Intelligent Sardar ki kahani!!!

 Sardarji and his wife travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back
on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and LasVegas perform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it".
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************
Mistakes are not crime......if  you correct them they are the key of success. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you
......He then created me.
*****************************

Bikhari: 50 paise  de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga,pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta  hai.
****************************

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.

*************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone  chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************

 INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************

 Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

***********************

Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.

**************************
                       


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